Former Leader of Bosnia Uses Familiar Excuses

THE HAGUE- Following his capture two years ago, former Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic’s trial began officially on October 26th of last year, where he was charged with 11 counts of genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity during the Bosnian War from 1992 to 1995. Mr. Karadzic himself, however, did not appear in court until November 3rd, citing reasons of boycott and ill-preparedness, as he famously views the court proceedings as a college student might view a paper due in a vital class: best done during the class session when it’s due. In true college style, he asked his professor, er, judge, O-Gon Kwon, for extension after extension. However, O-Gon Kwon, who is known to have served on the Jedi Council for three years, finally put his foot down last November.

“We’ve appointed him a lawyer,” he told ICTPT reporters. “Though he seems to insist on calling Mr. Harvey his ‘Academic Advisor.’” British lawyer, musician, and soccer player, Richard Harvey, was instructed to appear in court for Mr. Karadzic if the boycott continued.

Finally, earlier today, Mr. Karadzic began to present his case. And the world finally understood why he took so long: he was consulting his college friends for good excuses.

For lack of a dog to eat his case, he went for the next most popular “someone told me to.”

“And that someone was, uh, um, you see, it was, uh, GOD!” he declared. “God did it.” Among other excuses he used were “they started it” and “it depends on your definition of genocide.”

“Look,” he said, “we didn’t want to expel the Muslims or the Croats. We just wanted to rape them a little.” He went on to claim that the Muslims had “blood up to their shoulders.” “I don’t, by the way,” he continued. “I killed about 100,000 people, but I don’t have blood up to my shoulders.” He also stated that “conduct gave rise to our conduct. I got that philosophy when I was five, and this bully stole my lunch money, so I killed him and stole all his parents’ money. It was AWESOME.”

Another key part to his case was the presentation of a picture of a market place in Sarajevo, a city the Serb forces laid siege to during the war. This market place, in 1994, was the site of a massacre in which nearly 70 people died. In the picture, the market is empty. Mr. Karadzic claimed that it was taken directly before the attack and that it proved that the attack was staged. “You guys gotta believe this,” he added. “It took me four months to photoshop this!”

Mr. Karadzic claims to be innocent of all 11 charges.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8542297.stm

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/world/europe/02hague.html?ref=europe