NEW YORK CITY– Per Se, located in Columbus Circle, opened in February of 2004. Since then, it has earned four stars from the New York Times and it was recognized as one of the top forty restaurants in the United States by GAYOT.com. Currently it is one of only six restaurants in the United States to have three Michelin stars. Each meal costs upwards of $275. Its owner, Thomas Keller, proudly posed with head sommelier, James Hayes, in front of the kitchen doors for a picture, which could not be included due to technical difficulties.
“This is probably one of the classiest places in New York,” Keller boasted.
So it came as a surprise when, last week, he added an odd familiarity to his desert tray: a Twinkie.
“I was as surprised as anyone else when the idea hit me,” he remarked. “But a Twinkie makes an excellent palate-cleanser.”
Keller’s Twinkies are no ordinary Twinkies. He worked with Danish pastry techniques to craft a masterpiece. He starts with finest whipping cream and adds an egg-white meringue to make it slightly more firm.
“The first time we made them, we weren't sure how much vanilla to add,” he recalls. “Our first batch actually had a brownish tint in the cream.”
The cream is wrapped in a thick sponge cake and served with an edible wrapper made of sugar.
http://www.haaretz.com/culture/food-wine/the-craving-for-krembo-1.322791
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Per_Se_%28restaurant%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krembo
Friday, November 5, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
A Brief Overview of Australian Political Parties
ADELAIDE– Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard, Australia’s first female Prime Minister, has called for an election two months after her rise to power. The reason for this odd move is the nature of her ascension, namely a coup within her Labor party to remove former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd after several opinion polls showed waning public support. Despite this, polls now show a possibly neck-and-neck election between the Labor Party and the Liberal Part of Australia.
Major Parties:
Australian Labor Party
• Leader: Julia Gillard
• Founded: 1891
• Centre/Left; In its early days the party called for a “White Australia” and a citizen army. Since then, it has divided into two factions: the Socialist Left, which favors interventionist economics and social progressivism; and Labor Right, who call for economic liberalism and who don’t focus as much on social issues. The party has split on a number of issues, including communism, tariffs, and army service.
• Official Color: Red
• Theme Song: Revolution
• Motto: “We swear our new leader is better.”
Liberal Party of Australia
• Leader: Tony Abbott
• Founded: 1945
• Centre/Right; Party was founded on the principle of strong opposition to communism and socialism and came from a long string of parties that disintegrated after suffering electoral losses and reforming as new parties. The Commonwealth Liberal Party began this string in 1909 when the Free Trade Party and Protectionist Party fused. The CLP was replaced by the Nationalist Party of Australia in 1917, which was replaced by the United Australia Party in 1931, which was replaced by the Liberal Party of Australia. The party rose from two meetings, in October and December of 1944, was actually a congregation of Anti-Labor politicians and groups, and then the party’s formation was formally announced the next year. The party favors social conservatism, and the current leader is very mistrustful of climate change research.
• Official Color: Blue
• Theme Song: Raisin’ Abbott
• Motto: “We’re called Liberals, so we must be OK.”
The National Party of Australia
• Leader: Warren Truss
• Founded: 1920
• Centre/Right; Party was originally founded as the Country Party, however the party adopted “The Nationals” as a name for campaign purposes in 2003, though their legal name remains unchanged. The party’s first leader, William McWilliams of Tasmania, laid out the principles of the party in his first speech, saying, “we crave no alliance, we spurn no support but we intend drastic action to secure closer attention to the needs of primary producers.” The party sees itself as the voice of rural Australia.
• Official Color: Green
• Theme Song: Thank God I’m An Aussie Boy
• Motto: “We’re happy little Vegemites.”
Australian Greens
• Leader: Bob Brown
• Founded: 1992
• Left; Though founded in 1992, the party traces its roots back to the United Tasmania Group, the first Green party in the world, twenty years earlier. The party has enjoyed decent success, mostly in Tasmania. In 2004, the Herald Sun, a newspaper in Melbourne, claimed that the party was backing illegal drugs. Brown, who was the leader of the party at the time, made a complaint to the Australian Press Council, who denounced the Herald Sun.
• Official Color: Green
• Theme Song: Mother Nature’s Son
• Motto: “Only you can prevent forest fires.”
Family First Party
• Leader: Steve Fielding
• Founded: 2002
• Right; Party has contested, more often than won, seats. However, its Facebook page has more followers than either the Labor party or the Liberal party and it enjoys increasing numbers of followers on Twitter. Its members tend to be from conservative Christian backgrounds, though the party has no official religious label.
• Official Color: none
• Theme Song: Joy to the World, We Won a Seat
• Motto: “Parties with long histories are overrated.”
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/08/20/world/asia/AP-AS-Australia-Election.html?_r=1&ref=world
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Labor_Party
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberal_Party_of_Australia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Party_of_Australia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Greens
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_First_Party
Major Parties:
Australian Labor Party
• Leader: Julia Gillard
• Founded: 1891
• Centre/Left; In its early days the party called for a “White Australia” and a citizen army. Since then, it has divided into two factions: the Socialist Left, which favors interventionist economics and social progressivism; and Labor Right, who call for economic liberalism and who don’t focus as much on social issues. The party has split on a number of issues, including communism, tariffs, and army service.
• Official Color: Red
• Theme Song: Revolution
• Motto: “We swear our new leader is better.”
Liberal Party of Australia
• Leader: Tony Abbott
• Founded: 1945
• Centre/Right; Party was founded on the principle of strong opposition to communism and socialism and came from a long string of parties that disintegrated after suffering electoral losses and reforming as new parties. The Commonwealth Liberal Party began this string in 1909 when the Free Trade Party and Protectionist Party fused. The CLP was replaced by the Nationalist Party of Australia in 1917, which was replaced by the United Australia Party in 1931, which was replaced by the Liberal Party of Australia. The party rose from two meetings, in October and December of 1944, was actually a congregation of Anti-Labor politicians and groups, and then the party’s formation was formally announced the next year. The party favors social conservatism, and the current leader is very mistrustful of climate change research.
• Official Color: Blue
• Theme Song: Raisin’ Abbott
• Motto: “We’re called Liberals, so we must be OK.”
The National Party of Australia
• Leader: Warren Truss
• Founded: 1920
• Centre/Right; Party was originally founded as the Country Party, however the party adopted “The Nationals” as a name for campaign purposes in 2003, though their legal name remains unchanged. The party’s first leader, William McWilliams of Tasmania, laid out the principles of the party in his first speech, saying, “we crave no alliance, we spurn no support but we intend drastic action to secure closer attention to the needs of primary producers.” The party sees itself as the voice of rural Australia.
• Official Color: Green
• Theme Song: Thank God I’m An Aussie Boy
• Motto: “We’re happy little Vegemites.”
Australian Greens
• Leader: Bob Brown
• Founded: 1992
• Left; Though founded in 1992, the party traces its roots back to the United Tasmania Group, the first Green party in the world, twenty years earlier. The party has enjoyed decent success, mostly in Tasmania. In 2004, the Herald Sun, a newspaper in Melbourne, claimed that the party was backing illegal drugs. Brown, who was the leader of the party at the time, made a complaint to the Australian Press Council, who denounced the Herald Sun.
• Official Color: Green
• Theme Song: Mother Nature’s Son
• Motto: “Only you can prevent forest fires.”
Family First Party
• Leader: Steve Fielding
• Founded: 2002
• Right; Party has contested, more often than won, seats. However, its Facebook page has more followers than either the Labor party or the Liberal party and it enjoys increasing numbers of followers on Twitter. Its members tend to be from conservative Christian backgrounds, though the party has no official religious label.
• Official Color: none
• Theme Song: Joy to the World, We Won a Seat
• Motto: “Parties with long histories are overrated.”
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/08/20/world/asia/AP-AS-Australia-Election.html?_r=1&ref=world
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Labor_Party
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberal_Party_of_Australia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Party_of_Australia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Greens
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_First_Party
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
New Rising Star in “Biggest Douche in the Middle East” Competition
TEL AVIV– Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Avigdor Lieberman have new and unexpected company in their struggle to claim the “Biggest Douche in the Middle East” title. Mr. Lieberman’s attempt to take the lead last February, when he issued several choice remarks about the Syrian head of state, has thus far failed to surpass Mr. Ahmadinejad’s contribution of "being Mahmoud Ahmadinejad." Now, Eden Abergil, who recently completed her service in the Israeli Defense Force, has thrown in a surprising addition to the chaotic mess some call the Middle East peace process.
In a show of creativity not yet seen by the contest judges, Ms. Abergil posted several photos of herself posing next to several bound and blindfolded Palestinian prisoners and titled the album “The Army ... The Most Beautiful Time of My Life.” On one of the photos, she is known to have commented, “I wonder if he is on Facebook? I must tag him in the photograph.”
“Wow. She’s good,” Prime Minister Netanyahu was known to have commented. “I should make her Foreign Minister.”
“It looks like the soldier who put up the photographs on Facebook enjoyed the humiliation of the Palestinians and ignored their right to privacy,” Yishai Menuchen, head of the Public Committee Against Torture, told reporters. In unrelated news, Ms. Abergil has changed her Facebook privacy settings in an effort increase her privacy and avoid humiliation.
In an amazing move of douchiness, Ms. Abergil also managed to harm the IDF, as in the background of many of her pictures are “military maps and documents on the walls, including what appears to be classified material,” according to Ha’aretz News.
Adding insult to injury, as Ms. Abergil was discharged a year ago, the IDF has no legal means to stop her from posting the photos.
When asked why she suddenly chose to throw herself into the contest spotlight, Ms. Abergil happily replied, “I could see that Foreign Minister Lieberman needed some suggestions on how to make his next move in the contest. But who knows? Maybe I should go for it myself.”
http://www.haaretz.com/print-edition/news/web-abuzz-over-soldier-s-photos-with-bound-blindfolded-inmates-1.308458
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/17/world/middleeast/17israel.html?ref=middleeast
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-10994668
In a show of creativity not yet seen by the contest judges, Ms. Abergil posted several photos of herself posing next to several bound and blindfolded Palestinian prisoners and titled the album “The Army ... The Most Beautiful Time of My Life.” On one of the photos, she is known to have commented, “I wonder if he is on Facebook? I must tag him in the photograph.”
“Wow. She’s good,” Prime Minister Netanyahu was known to have commented. “I should make her Foreign Minister.”
“It looks like the soldier who put up the photographs on Facebook enjoyed the humiliation of the Palestinians and ignored their right to privacy,” Yishai Menuchen, head of the Public Committee Against Torture, told reporters. In unrelated news, Ms. Abergil has changed her Facebook privacy settings in an effort increase her privacy and avoid humiliation.
In an amazing move of douchiness, Ms. Abergil also managed to harm the IDF, as in the background of many of her pictures are “military maps and documents on the walls, including what appears to be classified material,” according to Ha’aretz News.
Adding insult to injury, as Ms. Abergil was discharged a year ago, the IDF has no legal means to stop her from posting the photos.
When asked why she suddenly chose to throw herself into the contest spotlight, Ms. Abergil happily replied, “I could see that Foreign Minister Lieberman needed some suggestions on how to make his next move in the contest. But who knows? Maybe I should go for it myself.”
http://www.haaretz.com/print-edition/news/web-abuzz-over-soldier-s-photos-with-bound-blindfolded-inmates-1.308458
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/17/world/middleeast/17israel.html?ref=middleeast
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-10994668
Monday, August 16, 2010
James Cameron Declares Intent to Stand Between Brazil and “Unobtanium”
ALTAMIRA– Canadian-American movie director, James Cameron, has declared his intent to unite the forces of the Amazon Rainforest in an attempt to keep the Brazilian government away from what he calls the “unobtanium.”
“I won’t let them destroy Hometree,” he told reporters.
Brazil has announced plans to build an $11 billion hydro-electric dam that threatens to flood a large area of the Xingu River basin. Government officials have also told ICTPT reporters that they have no idea what Mr. Cameron is talking about, and that they have no idea what this “Hometree” place is, nor do they harbor it any ill will.
But Mr. Cameron is adamant.
“This is how it’s done,” he told ICTPT reporters. “When people are sitting on sh- uh, stuff that you want, you make 'em your enemy. Then you justify taking it.”
The plan has met widespread opposition (apart from Mr. Cameron) from various environmental groups and natives of the region. However, many are starting to give in.
“There are a lot of political considerations right now for the indigenous leaders. Some have been neutralized by handouts or threats,” said Christian Poirier, a campaign leader for Amazon Watch, to New York Times reporters.
But Mr. Cameron disagrees.
“They're not going to give up their home. They're not going to make a deal. For what? A light beer and blue jeans? There's nothing that we have that they want.” Despite Mr. Cameron’s statements to the contrary, however, the Brazilian government has wooed various factions that once opposed the dam with promises of construction jobs that the plan will provide.
However, as flooding from the dam would force 12,000 to relocate, many indigenous tribes have threatened war to stop the construction. Or, as Mr. Cameron put it, “They’re never going to leave Hometree.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/16/world/americas/16brazil.html?hp
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Avatar_%282009_film%29
“I won’t let them destroy Hometree,” he told reporters.
Brazil has announced plans to build an $11 billion hydro-electric dam that threatens to flood a large area of the Xingu River basin. Government officials have also told ICTPT reporters that they have no idea what Mr. Cameron is talking about, and that they have no idea what this “Hometree” place is, nor do they harbor it any ill will.
But Mr. Cameron is adamant.
“This is how it’s done,” he told ICTPT reporters. “When people are sitting on sh- uh, stuff that you want, you make 'em your enemy. Then you justify taking it.”
The plan has met widespread opposition (apart from Mr. Cameron) from various environmental groups and natives of the region. However, many are starting to give in.
“There are a lot of political considerations right now for the indigenous leaders. Some have been neutralized by handouts or threats,” said Christian Poirier, a campaign leader for Amazon Watch, to New York Times reporters.
But Mr. Cameron disagrees.
“They're not going to give up their home. They're not going to make a deal. For what? A light beer and blue jeans? There's nothing that we have that they want.” Despite Mr. Cameron’s statements to the contrary, however, the Brazilian government has wooed various factions that once opposed the dam with promises of construction jobs that the plan will provide.
However, as flooding from the dam would force 12,000 to relocate, many indigenous tribes have threatened war to stop the construction. Or, as Mr. Cameron put it, “They’re never going to leave Hometree.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/16/world/americas/16brazil.html?hp
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Avatar_%282009_film%29
Saturday, August 14, 2010
New York Times To Hire Science Fiction/Fantasy Writers
NEW YORK– The New York Times, in the time since it began printing in 1851, has won 104 Pulitzer Prizes, the most of any news organization. Its website is one of the most popular American newspaper websites as of December, 2008, according to one trustworthy statistics provider (Wikipedia). Despite this, newspaper readership has fallen to the lowest level since the 1980’s.
Fearing for the newspaper’s popularity, Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr. has begun hiring a new breed of reporters.
“This is an exciting new development in the thrilling story of the New York Times,” editor Bill Keller told ICTPT reporters. “In order to draw in younger readers, we’ve begun hiring science fiction and fantasy writers from around America to tell the fantastic and scientifically fictional story of the news.”
The first story provided by these new reporters tells of the Obama administration’s “Shadow War” against the forces of evil and his efforts to bring balance to the world. The picture associated with the article was originally produced when the writers erroneously assumed that they were expected to make a feature film version of the article and needed something for a poster.
“I started out working on dubbing anime for 4Kids Entertainment,” Scott Shane told reporters. He worked for the television production company for four years before joining the New York Times. “They always had us doing shadow this, shadow that, evil shadows, shadows of whatever, so I figure, throw some shadows in it and kids will love it.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Times
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4kids
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/15/world/15shadowwar.html?_r=1&ref=world
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Israel Makes Peace Overtures Over Foreign Minister’s Objection
ZURICH– In an effort to mend the fraying relations with one of its friendliest neighbors, Israel has sent Industry, Trade, and Labor Minister Benjamin Ben-Eliezer to meet with Turkish Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoglu in Zurich. Following the deaths of nine Turks in the botched flotilla raid that brought Israel so much unwanted attention over the past couple months, Turkey withdrew its ambassador from Israel and demanded that Israel apologize and pay compensation to the families of the nine dead crewmembers of the Mavi Marmara.
“It was the obvious move to make,” an anonymous aide to Prime Minister Netanyahu told ICTPT reporters. “We can’t afford to lose what allies we have.” Ben-Eliezer, a member of the Labor party, had expressed this same view and so was chosen to meet with the Turkish Foreign Minister.
So it came as a surprise to no one when Israeli Foreign Minister Lieberman started whining about having been left out.
“Of course I couldn’t send Lieberman,” Netanyahu told reporters. “We needed someone who could be civil, who wouldn’t feel the need to bring at least five tanks, and someone who isn’t a giant douchebag. Lieberman fits none of those descriptions.”
The Israeli Foreign Minister’s office expressed concern that this move by the Prime Minister had dealt “a heavy blow to the confidence between the Foreign Minister and the Prime Minister,” leading many to wonder if the Foreign Minister knew the effects of every single word that has escaped his lips since he was appointed Foreign Minister.
The Prime Minister’s office responded, stating that “The Prime Minister saw no reason why the meeting should not be held, since over the last few weeks there were a number of initiatives for contacts with the Turks which the Foreign Ministry knew about. So quit whining.”
“Usually he does things like this for attention,” an aide to the Foreign Minister told reporters.
http://www.jpost.com/International/Article.aspx?id=180031
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/01/world/middleeast/01mideast.html?ref=middleeast
http://www.haaretz.com/news/diplomacy-defense/lieberman-slams-netanyahu-over-government-s-secret-meeting-with-turkey-1.299245
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-ml-israel-turkey,0,3384218.story
“It was the obvious move to make,” an anonymous aide to Prime Minister Netanyahu told ICTPT reporters. “We can’t afford to lose what allies we have.” Ben-Eliezer, a member of the Labor party, had expressed this same view and so was chosen to meet with the Turkish Foreign Minister.
So it came as a surprise to no one when Israeli Foreign Minister Lieberman started whining about having been left out.
“Of course I couldn’t send Lieberman,” Netanyahu told reporters. “We needed someone who could be civil, who wouldn’t feel the need to bring at least five tanks, and someone who isn’t a giant douchebag. Lieberman fits none of those descriptions.”
The Israeli Foreign Minister’s office expressed concern that this move by the Prime Minister had dealt “a heavy blow to the confidence between the Foreign Minister and the Prime Minister,” leading many to wonder if the Foreign Minister knew the effects of every single word that has escaped his lips since he was appointed Foreign Minister.
The Prime Minister’s office responded, stating that “The Prime Minister saw no reason why the meeting should not be held, since over the last few weeks there were a number of initiatives for contacts with the Turks which the Foreign Ministry knew about. So quit whining.”
“Usually he does things like this for attention,” an aide to the Foreign Minister told reporters.
http://www.jpost.com/International/Article.aspx?id=180031
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/01/world/middleeast/01mideast.html?ref=middleeast
http://www.haaretz.com/news/diplomacy-defense/lieberman-slams-netanyahu-over-government-s-secret-meeting-with-turkey-1.299245
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-ml-israel-turkey,0,3384218.story
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Egypt Proves Law of Inertia
CAIRO– Sir Isaac Newton’s first law of motion states that a body in motion in any one direction will continue to move at the same speed in that one direction as long as no force acts upon it. Generally, this law has only applied to physical bodies, however officials in Egypt recently set out to prove that it can also apply to governing bodies. With no extreme forces acting on it, the Egyptian Parliament decided to continue an emergency anti-terrorism law on Tuesday, one which was put into effect when President Anwar el-Sadat was assassinated 29 years ago. This also allows the government to remove alternate forces from its body, since Egypt’s loose definition of terrorism is not limited to acts of violence, but is simply “‘any threat or intimidation’ with the aim of ‘disturbing the peace or jeopardizing the safety and security of the society,’” according to a 2009 report by United Nations special representative on human rights and terrorism, Martin Scheinin.
In a vain effort to legitimize the government’s actions, Egyptian Prime Minister Ahmed Nazif compared the law to the Patriot Act. As the Patriot Act was widely criticized and abused for the purpose of investigating everything from actual terrorist threats to copyright infringement and even what books United States citizens were checking out, this was perhaps not as endearing to the Egyptian law as Mr. Nazif might have hoped. Maged Botros, a member of the policy committee of the ruling National Democratic Party, commented that one might “sacrifice certain rights for certain people at certain times to protect the whole people for the whole future. And when I said ‘certain people,’ I meant ‘people who disagree with you.’ And when I said ‘certain rights,’ I meant ‘do they really count as people anymore?’”
The law’s extension, which grants the government the right to arrest people without charge, detain prisoners indefinitely, limit freedom of expression and assembly, and maintain a special security court, is in response to more than just a challenge regarding the application of the laws of physics. Government officials cite a continued threat from extremists. “We’re pretty sure that ninjas have entered Egypt through the Gaza border breach that Israel’s been asking us to patch up,” one official, speaking under conditions of anonymity, told ICTPT reporters.
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak was unavailable for comment as he was trying to uphold rumors that he was dead, but an aid told ICTPT reporters that “there are plans to repeal the law… next week… maybe… once finals are over.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/12/world/middleeast/12egypt.html?ref=world
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8675301.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton%27s_laws_of_motion#Newton.27s_second_law
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Controversial_invocations_of_the_USA_PATRIOT_Act
In a vain effort to legitimize the government’s actions, Egyptian Prime Minister Ahmed Nazif compared the law to the Patriot Act. As the Patriot Act was widely criticized and abused for the purpose of investigating everything from actual terrorist threats to copyright infringement and even what books United States citizens were checking out, this was perhaps not as endearing to the Egyptian law as Mr. Nazif might have hoped. Maged Botros, a member of the policy committee of the ruling National Democratic Party, commented that one might “sacrifice certain rights for certain people at certain times to protect the whole people for the whole future. And when I said ‘certain people,’ I meant ‘people who disagree with you.’ And when I said ‘certain rights,’ I meant ‘do they really count as people anymore?’”
The law’s extension, which grants the government the right to arrest people without charge, detain prisoners indefinitely, limit freedom of expression and assembly, and maintain a special security court, is in response to more than just a challenge regarding the application of the laws of physics. Government officials cite a continued threat from extremists. “We’re pretty sure that ninjas have entered Egypt through the Gaza border breach that Israel’s been asking us to patch up,” one official, speaking under conditions of anonymity, told ICTPT reporters.
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak was unavailable for comment as he was trying to uphold rumors that he was dead, but an aid told ICTPT reporters that “there are plans to repeal the law… next week… maybe… once finals are over.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/12/world/middleeast/12egypt.html?ref=world
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8675301.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton%27s_laws_of_motion#Newton.27s_second_law
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Controversial_invocations_of_the_USA_PATRIOT_Act
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Brief Overview of Polish Political Parties
WARSAW- Poland recently suffered what some are calling a “JFK Moment” over the death of President Lech Kaczyński. Mr. Kaczyński, his wife, and numerous staff were killed in a plane crash in western Russia about a week ago. After controversies regarding his final-resting-place-to-be, he and his wife were interred in Wawel Cathedral, the traditional resting place of Polish kings, saints, and heroes (this was the nature of the controversy, as many felt Mr. Kaczyński was unworthy of the honor). With elections expected to be held in June, ICTPT reporters have compiled a brief glimpse of Polish politics:
Platforma Obywatelska
• English Translation: Civic Platform
• Leader: Donald Tusk
• Political Position: Center/Right
• Founded: July 1st, 2001
• Ideology: Conservative liberalism, Christian democracy
• Currently the leading party in Poland, it was formed when three members of other parties split off from their original parties and joined together. At first, Andrzej Olechowski, Maciej Płażyński and Donald Tusk were jokingly called “the Three Tenors” by Polish media. Later, Andrzej Olechowski and Maciej Płażyński left the party in Donald Tusk’s care.
• Official Colors: Blue and Orange
• Motto: Co to za dziwne imię Donald?
• Theme Song: “Jesteśmy Niebieski, Zielony, Gdybyśmy To My Umieramy” by Eiffelski 65
Prawo i Sprawiedliwość
• English Translation: Law and Justice
• Leader: Jarosław Kaczyński
• Political Position: Right
• Founded: June 13th, 2001
• Ideology: National Conservatism, Christian Democracy
• Founded by identical twins Lech and Jarosław Kaczyński, the party has been a force of controversy. Among other issues, it has been branded as homophobic (Lech, who was mayor of Warsaw for several years before becoming president, banned several gay pride parades and Jarosław once said that homosexuality would bring about the collapse of civilization) and when the British Conservative Party joined them in the European Conservatives and Reformists Group, former British Minister for Europe Denis MacShane remarked that “Tory isolationism is now creating a network of unpleasant, ugly, anti-European parties grouped around Cameron and Hague, but surely they should draw the line at links with gay-bashing homophobes.”
• Official Color: Blue
• Motto: Hej, pamiętaj, że niesamowite, że facet po prostu umarł?
• Theme Song: “Żegnaj, Panie Pie Polski” by Doń Mcłeanski
Sojusz Lewicy Demokratycznej
• English Translation: Democratic Left Alliance
• Leader: Grzegorz Napieralski
• Political Position: Center/Left
• Founded: April 15th, 1999
• Ideology: Democratic Socialism, Anti-clerical
• The SLD has its roots in the communist regime. It arose from a coalition during Poland’s first free elections in 1991 which included the post-communist Social Democracy of the Republic of Poland. The party’s popularity has been on the decline ever since the “Rywin-gate” scandal that began in 2002.
• Official Color: Red
• Motto: Tak możemy
• Theme Song: “Poborcą” by Chrząszcze
Polskie Stronnictwo Ludowe
• English Translation: Polish People’s Party
• Leader: Waldemar Pawlak
• Political Position: Center
• Founded: May 5th, 1990
• Ideology: Agrarianism,
• The party was originally founded among several other people’s parties, which worked together to form a postwar, noncommunist government and eventually the parties all merged. During the early years it had leftist tendencies and occasionally formed coalitions with Sojusz Lewicy Demokratycznej, though in recent years it has become more centrist and has even adopted some conservative policies. In recent years, it has been losing popularity.
• Official Color: Green
• Motto: Nie musisz się do Irlandii, jak koniczyna.
• Theme Song: “Ludzi Partii” by Nzełłii feat. Fergski
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civic_Platform
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_and_Justice
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democratic_Left_Alliance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_People%27s_Party
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/eu/5418173/European-elections-Polands-controversial-Law-and-Justice-Party.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/19/world/europe/19poland.html?ref=europe
Platforma Obywatelska
• English Translation: Civic Platform
• Leader: Donald Tusk
• Political Position: Center/Right
• Founded: July 1st, 2001
• Ideology: Conservative liberalism, Christian democracy
• Currently the leading party in Poland, it was formed when three members of other parties split off from their original parties and joined together. At first, Andrzej Olechowski, Maciej Płażyński and Donald Tusk were jokingly called “the Three Tenors” by Polish media. Later, Andrzej Olechowski and Maciej Płażyński left the party in Donald Tusk’s care.
• Official Colors: Blue and Orange
• Motto: Co to za dziwne imię Donald?
• Theme Song: “Jesteśmy Niebieski, Zielony, Gdybyśmy To My Umieramy” by Eiffelski 65
Prawo i Sprawiedliwość
• English Translation: Law and Justice
• Leader: Jarosław Kaczyński
• Political Position: Right
• Founded: June 13th, 2001
• Ideology: National Conservatism, Christian Democracy
• Founded by identical twins Lech and Jarosław Kaczyński, the party has been a force of controversy. Among other issues, it has been branded as homophobic (Lech, who was mayor of Warsaw for several years before becoming president, banned several gay pride parades and Jarosław once said that homosexuality would bring about the collapse of civilization) and when the British Conservative Party joined them in the European Conservatives and Reformists Group, former British Minister for Europe Denis MacShane remarked that “Tory isolationism is now creating a network of unpleasant, ugly, anti-European parties grouped around Cameron and Hague, but surely they should draw the line at links with gay-bashing homophobes.”
• Official Color: Blue
• Motto: Hej, pamiętaj, że niesamowite, że facet po prostu umarł?
• Theme Song: “Żegnaj, Panie Pie Polski” by Doń Mcłeanski
Sojusz Lewicy Demokratycznej
• English Translation: Democratic Left Alliance
• Leader: Grzegorz Napieralski
• Political Position: Center/Left
• Founded: April 15th, 1999
• Ideology: Democratic Socialism, Anti-clerical
• The SLD has its roots in the communist regime. It arose from a coalition during Poland’s first free elections in 1991 which included the post-communist Social Democracy of the Republic of Poland. The party’s popularity has been on the decline ever since the “Rywin-gate” scandal that began in 2002.
• Official Color: Red
• Motto: Tak możemy
• Theme Song: “Poborcą” by Chrząszcze
Polskie Stronnictwo Ludowe
• English Translation: Polish People’s Party
• Leader: Waldemar Pawlak
• Political Position: Center
• Founded: May 5th, 1990
• Ideology: Agrarianism,
• The party was originally founded among several other people’s parties, which worked together to form a postwar, noncommunist government and eventually the parties all merged. During the early years it had leftist tendencies and occasionally formed coalitions with Sojusz Lewicy Demokratycznej, though in recent years it has become more centrist and has even adopted some conservative policies. In recent years, it has been losing popularity.
• Official Color: Green
• Motto: Nie musisz się do Irlandii, jak koniczyna.
• Theme Song: “Ludzi Partii” by Nzełłii feat. Fergski
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civic_Platform
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_and_Justice
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democratic_Left_Alliance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_People%27s_Party
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/eu/5418173/European-elections-Polands-controversial-Law-and-Justice-Party.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/19/world/europe/19poland.html?ref=europe
Friday, April 16, 2010
Militants Issue New Demands On Somali Towns
MOGADISHU– The Islamic militant group Shabaab (shortened from Harakat al-Shabaab Mujahideen, Arabic for “Movement of Warrior Youth”) have made themselves generally unpopular in the eyes of the Somali public. One shop keeper describes them as being “like rabid dogs,” and points to circular scars on his face where he was bitten by militants. Their efforts to turn Somalia into strict Islamic state means they have issued a variety of interesting laws over their area of control (mostly southern Somalia).
Recently, in Jowhar, school bells were outlawed, because they were reminiscent of church bells. Students and teachers have been forced to find new ways to signal the beginnings and endings of classes. “Some teachers were hitting the doors as the period finished. It is really confusing,” one student told reporters. “It’s just a matter of time before they ban books, which look like the Bible,” another student said. In other edicts, Shabaab has outlawed such mundane-seeming things as soccer and internationally recognized holidays.
Just this week, in Mogadishu, radio stations were told to stop playing any form of music. “If music be the food of love, then we will have none of it,” one militant was known to have said.
In one edict, Shabaab outlawed bras. Last October, the movement forced women in the streets to shake their breasts at gunpoint, to see if the woman was wearing a bra. Those who were caught in possession of the undergarment were publicly whipped. In a rare interview, one of the militants explained to ICTPT reporters that they considered bras to be “un-Islamic.”
“Bras are deceptive, and they violate the Sharia law,” the militant, who wished to remain anonymous, told ICTPT reporters. Sharia law, which also grants women the right to challenge any laws declared by a Caliph (the ruler of an area that lives under Sharia law), defines the way of life for Muslims. When question further, however, the militant admitted, “We really just want to see ladies shaking their breasts at us. Bras don’t actually have anything to do with Sharia law.”
In January of 2010, Shabaab also outlawed bananas and toast, saying that any foods that showed the faces of Mary and Jesus rather than Muhammad had no place in proper society. They went on to outlaw pictures of kittens and puppies on the internet, saying that they were not Halal.
Earlier this month, they outlawed satirical news on the grounds that it may one day be used against them.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/24/world/africa/24somalia.html?ref=africa
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/16/world/africa/16somalia.html?ref=africa
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharia_law
Recently, in Jowhar, school bells were outlawed, because they were reminiscent of church bells. Students and teachers have been forced to find new ways to signal the beginnings and endings of classes. “Some teachers were hitting the doors as the period finished. It is really confusing,” one student told reporters. “It’s just a matter of time before they ban books, which look like the Bible,” another student said. In other edicts, Shabaab has outlawed such mundane-seeming things as soccer and internationally recognized holidays.
Just this week, in Mogadishu, radio stations were told to stop playing any form of music. “If music be the food of love, then we will have none of it,” one militant was known to have said.
In one edict, Shabaab outlawed bras. Last October, the movement forced women in the streets to shake their breasts at gunpoint, to see if the woman was wearing a bra. Those who were caught in possession of the undergarment were publicly whipped. In a rare interview, one of the militants explained to ICTPT reporters that they considered bras to be “un-Islamic.”
“Bras are deceptive, and they violate the Sharia law,” the militant, who wished to remain anonymous, told ICTPT reporters. Sharia law, which also grants women the right to challenge any laws declared by a Caliph (the ruler of an area that lives under Sharia law), defines the way of life for Muslims. When question further, however, the militant admitted, “We really just want to see ladies shaking their breasts at us. Bras don’t actually have anything to do with Sharia law.”
In January of 2010, Shabaab also outlawed bananas and toast, saying that any foods that showed the faces of Mary and Jesus rather than Muhammad had no place in proper society. They went on to outlaw pictures of kittens and puppies on the internet, saying that they were not Halal.
Earlier this month, they outlawed satirical news on the grounds that it may one day be used against them.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/24/world/africa/24somalia.html?ref=africa
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/16/world/africa/16somalia.html?ref=africa
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharia_law
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A Brief Overview of British Political Parties
4/6/2010
LONDON–Earlier today, Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced that the nation election would be held on May 6. After a final meeting of his Cabinet, Prime Minister Brown asked Queen Elizabeth II to dissolve Parliament, the traditional beginning to a month-long political bloodbath. This particular election looks to be particularly unpredictable.
Major Parties:
Labour Party
• Leader: Gordon Brown
• Founded: 1900
• Center/Left; Party had socialist platform for much of its life. In the late 1980’s, the party began to move away from socialism. The party is currently enduring a slump in popularity stemming from financial issues, the “Cash for Peerages” scandal, and Tony Blair’s controversial support of the Iraq War. Between January and March of 2008, the party found itself £17 million in debt.
• Official Color: Red
• Theme song: Brother Can You Spare A Pound?
• Motto: “Screw the rules, we need money.”
• Famous Members: Tony Blair
Conservative Party:
• Leader: David Cameron
• Founded: 1678
• Center/Right; Original founding name was the Tory party, and it is still affectionately or otherwise referred to by that name. The party is trying to distance itself from the public impression that it is made up of old noblemen with lots of money, an effort made difficult by members such as Sir Nicholas Winterton, an old nobleman with lots of money who recently implied that common folk were inferior.
• Official Color: Blue
• Theme Song: Bippity Boppity Boo
• Motto: “Would you care for a spot of teaold young sport?”
• Famous Members: Arthur Balfour, Winston Churchill
Liberal Democrats
• Leader: Nick Clegg
• Founded: 1988, through a merger of the Liberal and Social Democratic parties.
• Center/Center-left; The Liberal Democrats have long supported welfare state ideology and European integration. The party also has strong environmental values. There have been several pacts between the Liberal Democrats and the Labour Party, and the Labour Party is hoping to accomplish this again this year, to bolster its failing popularity.
• Official Color(s): Black and Gold
• Theme Song:
To your call once more we rally;
Alma Mater hear our praise;
Where the Wabash spreads its valley;
Filled with joy our voices raise.
Form the skies in swelling echoes
Come the cheers that tell the tale
Of your vict'ries and your heroes,
Hail Liberal Democrats! We sing all hail!
• Motto: “We’re here for you, Labour.”
• Famous Members:Lee Roy Jenkins
Scottish National Party
• Leader: Nicola Sturgeon
• Founded: 1934
• Center/Left; Party’s platform is based around Scottish independence. The party has thus drawn much criticism for being “Anti-English.” British comedian Billy Connolly has been quoted with saying that the “Scottish Parliament is a joke.” He has also claimed that “this new racism in Scotland, this anti-Englishness” was “entirely their [the SNP's] fault.” Incidentally, SNP has supported English and English-born candidates in the past.
• Official Colors: Heather
• Theme Song: We’re so vain
• Motto: “AW SNP!”
Sinn Féin
• Leader: Gerry Adams
• Founded: 1905, current political party slit away from original organization in 1970
• Left; Party’s platform is based around the unification of Ireland. The original organization, founded in 1905, was very popular until 1910, when it suffered a sharp decline in attendance and had trouble finding members willing to run for offices. In 1970, during a dispute as to whether taking seats in Parliament was ideologically sound, the party split. The party is closely linked to the IRA.
• Official Colors: Green
• Theme Song: Brand New Day from “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”
• Motto: “The road will rise up to meet England, and we hope there are sharp stones in it when it does.”
Plaid Cymru
• Leader: Ieuan Wyn Jones
• Founded: 1925
• Center/Left Party’s platform is based around Welsh independence. Despite supposedly being bitter rivals, Plaid Cymru is well known for allying itself with Labour. The party has called this election the party’s “coming of age,” and, as such, several party members have begun to learn a party “Haftarah” and are hiring orchestras to play a party “Pomp and Circumstance.” Their “Think Different” campaign slogan was hailed as one of the most unused and creative slogans to grace a campaign.
• Official Color: Yellow
• Theme Song: Anything from “Forever Plaid”
• Motto: “Think Different. ThinkApple Plaid.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom_political_parties
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/8536029.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/8536227.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/8536985.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/scotland/8583067.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/northern_ireland/8585612.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/wales/8589099.stm
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/07/world/europe/07britain.html?ref=europe
LONDON–Earlier today, Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced that the nation election would be held on May 6. After a final meeting of his Cabinet, Prime Minister Brown asked Queen Elizabeth II to dissolve Parliament, the traditional beginning to a month-long political bloodbath. This particular election looks to be particularly unpredictable.
Major Parties:
Labour Party
• Leader: Gordon Brown
• Founded: 1900
• Center/Left; Party had socialist platform for much of its life. In the late 1980’s, the party began to move away from socialism. The party is currently enduring a slump in popularity stemming from financial issues, the “Cash for Peerages” scandal, and Tony Blair’s controversial support of the Iraq War. Between January and March of 2008, the party found itself £17 million in debt.
• Official Color: Red
• Theme song: Brother Can You Spare A Pound?
• Motto: “Screw the rules, we need money.”
• Famous Members: Tony Blair
Conservative Party:
• Leader: David Cameron
• Founded: 1678
• Center/Right; Original founding name was the Tory party, and it is still affectionately or otherwise referred to by that name. The party is trying to distance itself from the public impression that it is made up of old noblemen with lots of money, an effort made difficult by members such as Sir Nicholas Winterton, an old nobleman with lots of money who recently implied that common folk were inferior.
• Official Color: Blue
• Theme Song: Bippity Boppity Boo
• Motto: “Would you care for a spot of tea
• Famous Members: Arthur Balfour, Winston Churchill
Liberal Democrats
• Leader: Nick Clegg
• Founded: 1988, through a merger of the Liberal and Social Democratic parties.
• Center/Center-left; The Liberal Democrats have long supported welfare state ideology and European integration. The party also has strong environmental values. There have been several pacts between the Liberal Democrats and the Labour Party, and the Labour Party is hoping to accomplish this again this year, to bolster its failing popularity.
• Official Color(s): Black and Gold
• Theme Song:
To your call once more we rally;
Alma Mater hear our praise;
Where the Wabash spreads its valley;
Filled with joy our voices raise.
Form the skies in swelling echoes
Come the cheers that tell the tale
Of your vict'ries and your heroes,
Hail Liberal Democrats! We sing all hail!
• Motto: “We’re here for you, Labour.”
• Famous Members:
Scottish National Party
• Leader: Nicola Sturgeon
• Founded: 1934
• Center/Left; Party’s platform is based around Scottish independence. The party has thus drawn much criticism for being “Anti-English.” British comedian Billy Connolly has been quoted with saying that the “Scottish Parliament is a joke.” He has also claimed that “this new racism in Scotland, this anti-Englishness” was “entirely their [the SNP's] fault.” Incidentally, SNP has supported English and English-born candidates in the past.
• Official Colors: Heather
• Theme Song: We’re so vain
• Motto: “AW SNP!”
Sinn Féin
• Leader: Gerry Adams
• Founded: 1905, current political party slit away from original organization in 1970
• Left; Party’s platform is based around the unification of Ireland. The original organization, founded in 1905, was very popular until 1910, when it suffered a sharp decline in attendance and had trouble finding members willing to run for offices. In 1970, during a dispute as to whether taking seats in Parliament was ideologically sound, the party split. The party is closely linked to the IRA.
• Official Colors: Green
• Theme Song: Brand New Day from “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”
• Motto: “The road will rise up to meet England, and we hope there are sharp stones in it when it does.”
Plaid Cymru
• Leader: Ieuan Wyn Jones
• Founded: 1925
• Center/Left Party’s platform is based around Welsh independence. Despite supposedly being bitter rivals, Plaid Cymru is well known for allying itself with Labour. The party has called this election the party’s “coming of age,” and, as such, several party members have begun to learn a party “Haftarah” and are hiring orchestras to play a party “Pomp and Circumstance.” Their “Think Different” campaign slogan was hailed as one of the most unused and creative slogans to grace a campaign.
• Official Color: Yellow
• Theme Song: Anything from “Forever Plaid”
• Motto: “Think Different. Think
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom_political_parties
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/8536029.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/8536227.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/8536985.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/scotland/8583067.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/northern_ireland/8585612.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/election_2010/wales/8589099.stm
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/07/world/europe/07britain.html?ref=europe
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sir Nicholas Winterton Implies Common Folk Are Inferior
LONDON– Upcoming elections in the United Kingdom have prompted dramatic actions in the past, but Sir Nicholas Winterton, incumbent Conservative MP (Member of Parliament) for Macclesfield in Cheshire County, Northwestern England, may have erred slightly in his quest for votes. First of all, he has forgotten that he no longer needs to quest for votes, as it was announced last May that he would step down in the next election, after a scandal where it was revealed that he was using his MP’s expenses to pay rent. At the time, Sir Winterton defended his actions, saying, “I try to tackle matters of expenses in a responsible way, I don't spend any more money than is absolutely necessary.” True to his word, he committed his second blunder, when he defended MPs’ right to pay for first class tickets on trains with government funds, which has recently come into question.
In a radio interview, he said that he could not ride standard class because, “If I was in standard-class, I would not do work because people would be looking over your shoulder the entire time, there would be noise, there would be distraction.” He claimed that this was because, as he delicately put it, “They [standard-class passengers] are a totally different type of people… They may be reading a book but I doubt whether they're undertaking serious work or study, reading reports or amending reports that MPs do when they travel.” Incidentally, in an unrelated scandal, he remarked, “I’m quite a normal person.”
The Conservative party, which has largely led in polls against the Labour party, is led by MP David Cameron of Witney, Oxfordshire County, in southeastern England. Mr. Cameron’s policies within the party have been to fight this trend of high class politicians with “their old chilly image as a stuffy bastion of the elite, the mean-spirited, the entitled and the clueless.” He admits that it has been an uphill battle. “If the next election is about… [not having a posh prime minister] …we’re not going to win it.”
And Sir Winterton isn’t helping. He drew the ire of BBC News Magazine readers, who expressed their outrage in the comments section of one article (URL below). One anonymous commenter from London asked for the “respect of the MPs who serve us.” Another anonymous commenter said that he would like to give him “45 hacks in the neck with a blunt axe.”
Mr. Cameron, however, has been quick to distance himself and the rest of the Conservative party from Sir Winterton and his odd remarks (which have, in the past, included such oddities as “Will I slap a colleague on the back?... The answer is – it is certainly possible.” This was his defense when he was accused of slapping Labour MP Natascha Engel's rear.). Luckily for Mr. Cameron, the Labour party is not exactly guilt-free. The party has been dogged by scandals of just about every sort.
However, first class train riders in the United Kingdom will have to be more wary of common folk like “Shambles” from London who swears that when he or she wins the lottery, “I'm gonna buy myself a season 1st class rail ticket and make it my life’s mission to annoy all the snobs on first class. Then they won't have an excuse.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/23/world/europe/23britain.html?ref=europe
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8557468.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Nicholas_Winterton
In a radio interview, he said that he could not ride standard class because, “If I was in standard-class, I would not do work because people would be looking over your shoulder the entire time, there would be noise, there would be distraction.” He claimed that this was because, as he delicately put it, “They [standard-class passengers] are a totally different type of people… They may be reading a book but I doubt whether they're undertaking serious work or study, reading reports or amending reports that MPs do when they travel.” Incidentally, in an unrelated scandal, he remarked, “I’m quite a normal person.”
The Conservative party, which has largely led in polls against the Labour party, is led by MP David Cameron of Witney, Oxfordshire County, in southeastern England. Mr. Cameron’s policies within the party have been to fight this trend of high class politicians with “their old chilly image as a stuffy bastion of the elite, the mean-spirited, the entitled and the clueless.” He admits that it has been an uphill battle. “If the next election is about… [not having a posh prime minister] …we’re not going to win it.”
And Sir Winterton isn’t helping. He drew the ire of BBC News Magazine readers, who expressed their outrage in the comments section of one article (URL below). One anonymous commenter from London asked for the “respect of the MPs who serve us.” Another anonymous commenter said that he would like to give him “45 hacks in the neck with a blunt axe.”
Mr. Cameron, however, has been quick to distance himself and the rest of the Conservative party from Sir Winterton and his odd remarks (which have, in the past, included such oddities as “Will I slap a colleague on the back?... The answer is – it is certainly possible.” This was his defense when he was accused of slapping Labour MP Natascha Engel's rear.). Luckily for Mr. Cameron, the Labour party is not exactly guilt-free. The party has been dogged by scandals of just about every sort.
However, first class train riders in the United Kingdom will have to be more wary of common folk like “Shambles” from London who swears that when he or she wins the lottery, “I'm gonna buy myself a season 1st class rail ticket and make it my life’s mission to annoy all the snobs on first class. Then they won't have an excuse.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/23/world/europe/23britain.html?ref=europe
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8557468.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Nicholas_Winterton
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Biden Avoids Committing Gaffe, Israel Not So Lucky
JERUSALEM– Vice President Biden has spent the last three months preparing for his visit to the Middle East. Most of the preparations would not normally be needed, but considering Joe “Gaffe Master” Biden was to be the one involved, White House officials deemed the extra preparations especially necessary. “They spent a whole week making sure I wouldn’t make any magician jokes,” Mr. Biden told an ICTPT reporter. “I still don’t get what’s so bad about shouting ‘Allah-kazam!’ and pulling a coin from King Abdullah II’s ear.” Mr. Biden promised that he would refrain from doing so despite this.
All seemed to be going well at first. Biden made it to the residence of Israeli President Shimon Perez, and even kept from falling asleep when a planned opportunity for brief remarks turned into an hour-long opportunity for Mr. Perez to talk about his gout. However, a gaffe was finally committed when Mr. Biden praised Prime Minister Netanyahu for having taken “significant steps” towards peace and pledged “absolute, total, unvarnished commitment to Israel’s security.” As Mr. Biden was finishing his remarks, Israel announced the authorization by the Jerusalem District Planning and Building Committee of a plan to build roughly 1,600 housing units in East Jerusalem.
“Oops,” Mr. Netanyahu is known to have remarked.
In a meeting in Jerusalem, Mr. Netanyahu reportedly told Mr. Biden that he had no prior knowledge that the announcement would come today. “Sure we wanted to undermine the peace talks which are the sole purpose of your visit, but not while you were here,” he said. At the same time, an Interior Ministry spokeswoman stressed that there was “no connection” between the timing of the announcement and Mr. Biden’s visit, prompting Mr. Biden to ask, “How the hell does that make anything better?”
The White House immediately condemned the decision, with spokesman Robert Gibbs reminding all that President Obama’s stiff position against Israeli settlements in the West Bank was well known.
Nabil Abu Rudeineh, a spokesman for Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, reportedly said that this made it abundantly clear that “the Israeli government does not want negotiations, nor does it want peace.” Another Palestinian official told a ICTPT reporter that “It’s not like we didn’t know already. Netanyahu’s resistance to the peace process is almost as well known as Hamas’.”
Defense Minister Ehud Barak sought to play down the situation, saying that “This is an ultra-Orthodox city very close to the Green Line, and these are housing units for people who are struggling and cannot buy elsewhere, and who do not pay taxes, serve in the army, or even acknowledge the legitimacy of the State of Israel.”
In surprisingly gaffe-free written statement, Mr. Biden himself said “I condemn the decision by the government of Israel to advance planning for new housing units. The substance and timing of the announcement, particularly with the launching of proximity talks, is precisely the kind of step that undermines the trust we need right now.”
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1155460.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/10/world/middleeast/10biden.html?hp
http://www.jpost.com/Israel/Article.aspx?id=170611
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/11554
All seemed to be going well at first. Biden made it to the residence of Israeli President Shimon Perez, and even kept from falling asleep when a planned opportunity for brief remarks turned into an hour-long opportunity for Mr. Perez to talk about his gout. However, a gaffe was finally committed when Mr. Biden praised Prime Minister Netanyahu for having taken “significant steps” towards peace and pledged “absolute, total, unvarnished commitment to Israel’s security.” As Mr. Biden was finishing his remarks, Israel announced the authorization by the Jerusalem District Planning and Building Committee of a plan to build roughly 1,600 housing units in East Jerusalem.
“Oops,” Mr. Netanyahu is known to have remarked.
In a meeting in Jerusalem, Mr. Netanyahu reportedly told Mr. Biden that he had no prior knowledge that the announcement would come today. “Sure we wanted to undermine the peace talks which are the sole purpose of your visit, but not while you were here,” he said. At the same time, an Interior Ministry spokeswoman stressed that there was “no connection” between the timing of the announcement and Mr. Biden’s visit, prompting Mr. Biden to ask, “How the hell does that make anything better?”
The White House immediately condemned the decision, with spokesman Robert Gibbs reminding all that President Obama’s stiff position against Israeli settlements in the West Bank was well known.
Nabil Abu Rudeineh, a spokesman for Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, reportedly said that this made it abundantly clear that “the Israeli government does not want negotiations, nor does it want peace.” Another Palestinian official told a ICTPT reporter that “It’s not like we didn’t know already. Netanyahu’s resistance to the peace process is almost as well known as Hamas’.”
Defense Minister Ehud Barak sought to play down the situation, saying that “This is an ultra-Orthodox city very close to the Green Line, and these are housing units for people who are struggling and cannot buy elsewhere, and who do not pay taxes, serve in the army, or even acknowledge the legitimacy of the State of Israel.”
In surprisingly gaffe-free written statement, Mr. Biden himself said “I condemn the decision by the government of Israel to advance planning for new housing units. The substance and timing of the announcement, particularly with the launching of proximity talks, is precisely the kind of step that undermines the trust we need right now.”
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1155460.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/10/world/middleeast/10biden.html?hp
http://www.jpost.com/Israel/Article.aspx?id=170611
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/11554
Monday, March 1, 2010
Former Leader of Bosnia Uses Familiar Excuses
THE HAGUE- Following his capture two years ago, former Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic’s trial began officially on October 26th of last year, where he was charged with 11 counts of genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity during the Bosnian War from 1992 to 1995. Mr. Karadzic himself, however, did not appear in court until November 3rd, citing reasons of boycott and ill-preparedness, as he famously views the court proceedings as a college student might view a paper due in a vital class: best done during the class session when it’s due. In true college style, he asked his professor, er, judge, O-Gon Kwon, for extension after extension. However, O-Gon Kwon, who is known to have served on the Jedi Council for three years, finally put his foot down last November.
“We’ve appointed him a lawyer,” he told ICTPT reporters. “Though he seems to insist on calling Mr. Harvey his ‘Academic Advisor.’” British lawyer, musician, and soccer player, Richard Harvey, was instructed to appear in court for Mr. Karadzic if the boycott continued.
Finally, earlier today, Mr. Karadzic began to present his case. And the world finally understood why he took so long: he was consulting his college friends for good excuses.
For lack of a dog to eat his case, he went for the next most popular “someone told me to.”
“And that someone was, uh, um, you see, it was, uh, GOD!” he declared. “God did it.” Among other excuses he used were “they started it” and “it depends on your definition of genocide.”
“Look,” he said, “we didn’t want to expel the Muslims or the Croats. We just wanted to rape them a little.” He went on to claim that the Muslims had “blood up to their shoulders.” “I don’t, by the way,” he continued. “I killed about 100,000 people, but I don’t have blood up to my shoulders.” He also stated that “conduct gave rise to our conduct. I got that philosophy when I was five, and this bully stole my lunch money, so I killed him and stole all his parents’ money. It was AWESOME.”
Another key part to his case was the presentation of a picture of a market place in Sarajevo, a city the Serb forces laid siege to during the war. This market place, in 1994, was the site of a massacre in which nearly 70 people died. In the picture, the market is empty. Mr. Karadzic claimed that it was taken directly before the attack and that it proved that the attack was staged. “You guys gotta believe this,” he added. “It took me four months to photoshop this!”
Mr. Karadzic claims to be innocent of all 11 charges.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8542297.stm
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/world/europe/02hague.html?ref=europe
“We’ve appointed him a lawyer,” he told ICTPT reporters. “Though he seems to insist on calling Mr. Harvey his ‘Academic Advisor.’” British lawyer, musician, and soccer player, Richard Harvey, was instructed to appear in court for Mr. Karadzic if the boycott continued.
Finally, earlier today, Mr. Karadzic began to present his case. And the world finally understood why he took so long: he was consulting his college friends for good excuses.
For lack of a dog to eat his case, he went for the next most popular “someone told me to.”
“And that someone was, uh, um, you see, it was, uh, GOD!” he declared. “God did it.” Among other excuses he used were “they started it” and “it depends on your definition of genocide.”
“Look,” he said, “we didn’t want to expel the Muslims or the Croats. We just wanted to rape them a little.” He went on to claim that the Muslims had “blood up to their shoulders.” “I don’t, by the way,” he continued. “I killed about 100,000 people, but I don’t have blood up to my shoulders.” He also stated that “conduct gave rise to our conduct. I got that philosophy when I was five, and this bully stole my lunch money, so I killed him and stole all his parents’ money. It was AWESOME.”
Another key part to his case was the presentation of a picture of a market place in Sarajevo, a city the Serb forces laid siege to during the war. This market place, in 1994, was the site of a massacre in which nearly 70 people died. In the picture, the market is empty. Mr. Karadzic claimed that it was taken directly before the attack and that it proved that the attack was staged. “You guys gotta believe this,” he added. “It took me four months to photoshop this!”
Mr. Karadzic claims to be innocent of all 11 charges.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8542297.stm
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/world/europe/02hague.html?ref=europe
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Qaddafi Calls for “Jihad” Against Switzerland, Switzerland Says “Whatever”
TRIPOLI- Colonel Muammar Al Qaddafi, leader of Libya with no discernable title, as he refuses to be known as “dictator”, is well known for having not matured mentally for the last 63 of his 68 years. His insane ideas have included a combination Israeli-Palestinian state called “Isratine”*. His most recent escapade has been a schoolyard-esque grudge against Switzerland after Swiss officials detained his son for two days over alleged beatings of servants two years ago. Col. Qaddafi’s immediate response was to pull all diplomats from Switzerland, remove all money from Swiss banks, and set up an oil embargo on the otherwise neutral country. In addition, he detained two Swiss businessmen who were in Libya at the time. One was released this week after nineteen months of detainment, the other has yet to be released.
So it came as a surprise to absolutely nobody when, in reaction to a Swiss ban on new minarets for mosques within Switzerland, which, incidentally, was voted in last November, Col. Qaddafi threw his coloring book and crayons at a wall and had a hissy fit.
“If Switzerland was on our borders, we would fight it,” he whined. “Since we’re not, I’m going to pout and suck my thumb.”
Yasar Ozdemir, member of the Zurich-based Swiss Federation of Muslim Associations, told Agence France-Presse that Col. Qaddafi’s actions did not surprise him at all, adding that “he often says such nonsense.”
Other Muslim leaders in Europe eagerly pointed out that Col. Qaddafi has no religious authority to declare a Jihad. Omar el-Sanie couldn’t help but laugh out loud when he heard of the call for Jihad. In an interview with the AP, he said, “Do you know what the word jihad means? It means you have to sacrifice your life for what you are doing. God knows why he said that.”
This is, sadly, not even Qaddafi’s first outburst of the month. Just last week, he barred the citizens of 25 European nations from entering Libya to get back at Switzerland for imposing travel restrictions on his family, ministers, and Qaddafi himself. “If they won’t let me into their tree house, I’ll make my own tree house that they can’t come to!” he is known to have screamed. Europe responded by collectively shrugging their shoulders and going about their business. The only comment made was when one official wondered why Qaddafi was rambling about tree houses.
“You never know with the crazies,” lawmaker Oskar Freysinger told AP reporters.
One Swiss official, who wished to remain anonymous, told It Came To Pass That reporters that “In my opinion, [Col. Qaddafi] really just needs to grow up and get rid of those women who babysit him.” When Qaddafi was asked to comment on this, he screamed “They’re bodyguards, not babysitters! Switzerland is a poopyhead!”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/27/world/europe/27swiss.html?ref=europe
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/26/AR2010022602903.html
* No, seriously, he actually suggested a state called Isratine. I’m not kidding. I’m sure it went over well on both sides of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
So it came as a surprise to absolutely nobody when, in reaction to a Swiss ban on new minarets for mosques within Switzerland, which, incidentally, was voted in last November, Col. Qaddafi threw his coloring book and crayons at a wall and had a hissy fit.
“If Switzerland was on our borders, we would fight it,” he whined. “Since we’re not, I’m going to pout and suck my thumb.”
Yasar Ozdemir, member of the Zurich-based Swiss Federation of Muslim Associations, told Agence France-Presse that Col. Qaddafi’s actions did not surprise him at all, adding that “he often says such nonsense.”
Other Muslim leaders in Europe eagerly pointed out that Col. Qaddafi has no religious authority to declare a Jihad. Omar el-Sanie couldn’t help but laugh out loud when he heard of the call for Jihad. In an interview with the AP, he said, “Do you know what the word jihad means? It means you have to sacrifice your life for what you are doing. God knows why he said that.”
This is, sadly, not even Qaddafi’s first outburst of the month. Just last week, he barred the citizens of 25 European nations from entering Libya to get back at Switzerland for imposing travel restrictions on his family, ministers, and Qaddafi himself. “If they won’t let me into their tree house, I’ll make my own tree house that they can’t come to!” he is known to have screamed. Europe responded by collectively shrugging their shoulders and going about their business. The only comment made was when one official wondered why Qaddafi was rambling about tree houses.
“You never know with the crazies,” lawmaker Oskar Freysinger told AP reporters.
One Swiss official, who wished to remain anonymous, told It Came To Pass That reporters that “In my opinion, [Col. Qaddafi] really just needs to grow up and get rid of those women who babysit him.” When Qaddafi was asked to comment on this, he screamed “They’re bodyguards, not babysitters! Switzerland is a poopyhead!”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/27/world/europe/27swiss.html?ref=europe
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/26/AR2010022602903.html
* No, seriously, he actually suggested a state called Isratine. I’m not kidding. I’m sure it went over well on both sides of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Iranian President Blames Western World and Israel for Capture of Rebel
2/24/2010
TEHRAN- Jundallah, meaning “soldiers of God”, is a terrorist group operating out of southeastern Iran, an area heavily populated with Sunnis, who it claims to defend. The organization is responsible for numerous attacks such as a bombing in October that killed 40 people. Now, finally, Iran has taken action and yesterday captured Abdolmalek Rigi, the leader of Jundallah.
Faced with something new, that is, success that doesn’t cost him his international reputation, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was unsure how to proceed. In the end, he fell back on his usual strategy: blame America and Israel.
“The Zionists have successfully captured Mr. Rigi,” he said in a press conference yesterday. “They are turning him over to us as we speak.” When asked about his previous comments pertaining to Mr. Rigi working with Israel, President Ahmadinejad explained that Mr. Rigi was both working with and captured by Israel. “These Zionists… they are very foolish.” Another reporter commented that details had arisen pointing to Iranian forces as Mr. Rigi’s captors, to which President Ahmadinejad replied, “No, it was definitely Israel."
Mr. Rigi was reportedly arrested in Pakistan.
In a misguided effort to show that he and his officials are not terrorists, President Ahmadinejad showed Mr. Rigi being led off an airplane, unarmed, guarded by two armed men in black masks. “This clearly shows,” he said in a statement issued shortly thereafter, “that the Iranian men, who are wearing masks like terrorists, are not terrorists, while the terrorist who is not wearing a mask is a terrorist. Think about it for a while, it definitely makes sense.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/world/middleeast/24insurgent.html?ref=middleeast
TEHRAN- Jundallah, meaning “soldiers of God”, is a terrorist group operating out of southeastern Iran, an area heavily populated with Sunnis, who it claims to defend. The organization is responsible for numerous attacks such as a bombing in October that killed 40 people. Now, finally, Iran has taken action and yesterday captured Abdolmalek Rigi, the leader of Jundallah.
Faced with something new, that is, success that doesn’t cost him his international reputation, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was unsure how to proceed. In the end, he fell back on his usual strategy: blame America and Israel.
“The Zionists have successfully captured Mr. Rigi,” he said in a press conference yesterday. “They are turning him over to us as we speak.” When asked about his previous comments pertaining to Mr. Rigi working with Israel, President Ahmadinejad explained that Mr. Rigi was both working with and captured by Israel. “These Zionists… they are very foolish.” Another reporter commented that details had arisen pointing to Iranian forces as Mr. Rigi’s captors, to which President Ahmadinejad replied, “No, it was definitely Israel."
Mr. Rigi was reportedly arrested in Pakistan.
In a misguided effort to show that he and his officials are not terrorists, President Ahmadinejad showed Mr. Rigi being led off an airplane, unarmed, guarded by two armed men in black masks. “This clearly shows,” he said in a statement issued shortly thereafter, “that the Iranian men, who are wearing masks like terrorists, are not terrorists, while the terrorist who is not wearing a mask is a terrorist. Think about it for a while, it definitely makes sense.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/world/middleeast/24insurgent.html?ref=middleeast
Israeli Minister Steps Up Campaign for “Biggest Douche in the Middle East” Title
2/4/2010
JERUSALEM- Israeli Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman has taken actions to ensure his reception of the “Biggest Douche in the Middle East” title. In an effort to take a lead over reigning champion, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who recently blamed America and the Jews for the death of a puppy that he ate, Mr. Lieberman responded to Syrian allegations that Israel was “not serious about achieving peace.” In a speech at Bar-Ilan University near Tel-Aviv, Mr. Lieberman was quoted with saying “Hell yeah we want war! We’re gonna kick some serious Syrian ass! Also, yo mamma so fat, Mount Sinai saw her and said ‘DAAAAAAAAM.’” He then went on to threaten the family of Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad.
Former Israeli Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz described Mr. Lieberman’s statements as “irresponsible” (Mr. Mofaz is famously competing in the “Biggest Understatement of the Year” competition). Other Israeli officials, including current Defense Minister Ehud Barak, have expressed discomfort with Mr. Lieberman’s statements as well.
Mr. Lieberman, however, has chosen to remain in his own deluded world he makes the rules, one of the more prominent requirements of the “Biggest Douche” title. He issued further statements against Syria, saying that Syria had made a “direct threat” to Israel that “crossed a line.”
“And no,” he said, “before you ask, I was not being threatening at all when I said ‘In the next war, not only will you lose, you and your family will lose the regime. Neither you will remain in power, nor the Assad family.’ Not threatening at all.”
When asked about Mr. Lieberman’s statements, Prime Minister Netanyahu said “Yeah… I should probably tell him to shut up…” When questioned about the douche competition, Mr. Netanyahu said Lieberman had his “full support.” “Lieberman may not be the biggest douchebag in the Middle East, but he’s gotta be in at least the top five.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/05/world/middleeast/05mideast.html?ref=middleeast
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